


The Understanding

by kaminikaku



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 05:56:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6067696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaminikaku/pseuds/kaminikaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life wasn't always fair, and sometimes the worst option happens.  They had reached an Understanding - whatever had happened in the past, the present or was to come in the future, the bond between them remained.  The door was to always be left open.  No questions asked.  No matter what.  One night, Kame comes knocking on Jin’s door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Understanding

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Dark. Horror, blood, mystery, possible reader regrets. Not for the faint of heart.
> 
> Author's Notes: Zara, I tried really hard to hit the highlights of your request and used your prompt of an understanding beyond words in possibly a more literal way than intended, so this is at times a blend of mystery, angst, horror and drama. It’s not AU as such- but there is no Meisa mentioned, so consider it to be a slightly Sliding Doors type AU but mainly canon where Meisa and Jin missed their connecting train. This is set current day, Kame is in KAT-TUN, Jin has left Johnnys, and the two of them had an established romantic relationship but have now agreed to live separate lives. And did you read the warning? Read the warning.

His finger leaves a bloody imprint on the intercom button as he pushes it down. It rings again as he scrubs frantically at the bloodstain with his sleeve, but at first it won't budge. He's not answering, oh god he's not answering, and if the paparazzi find him standing here in the lobby of his building - Kame pushes the button down again, holding it, the buzzer ringing in his ears, as his frantic scrubbing finally strips the blood away.

"What? Who is it?” One word is enough for him to recognise the voice of a sleepy and not very happy to be awake Akanishi Jin.

"Let me in!" Kame hisses into the intercom. "Hurry up!"

"Who is this?"

"Who do you think? Damn it Jin, let me in! Now!"

"....Kamenashi?"

At one time the uncertainty in Jin's voice would have been like a knife straight into his heart, but tonight he had no time for it. "Yes. Turn the fucking camera on if you don't believe me. Just. Hurry. Up."

The intercom screen flickers slightly and then glows, transmitting his picture to the apartment upstairs.

"It's 4:00 in the morning, why are you - wait. Is that blood?"

"Yes. Now let me in!"

"Number 2302. Come up."

The electronic lock on the door glows green and without another word Kame pulls the door open, this time wrapping his hand up inside his sleeve to stop further bloodstains. He can't afford to be traced here. Not tonight. Not like this.

Jin is waiting for him, holding the door ajar, as he slips as quickly and carefully as he can into the genkan. He stumbles as he keeps his hands clutched to his chest, trying not to touch the walls or the door; Jin grabs his elbow to steady him.

"What the hell happened to you?" he asks.

Kame holds out his bloody hands, palms facing up, and feels the blood start to slide between his fingers, and drip onto the polished floor. He looks up and sees Jin's puzzled expression, brows drawn together, as he asks again, "Kame, what's happened? What's wrong?"

"Someone tried to kill me. I think I … I killed him instead. He had a knife, and he attacked me as I got home. He was inside somehow and when I opened the door he came at me. I fought him off and I managed to get hold of his arm, and he fell and the knife hit him … and … this blood. It's his blood. All of it is his blood."

Jin comes closer, gripping his chin and tuning his face to the right. "You're bleeding." His fingers are gentle as he pushes the woollen hat back from Kame’s temple. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

“I don’t think so. Maybe I hit my head when he came at me." Kame looks down at the blood dripping from his hands. "I'm ruining your floor. I'm sorry. All this blood."

Jin glances down at the floor between them, and looks up just in time to grab both of Kame's arms as he sways on his feet. "Let's get you cleaned up." He holds him steady as Kame slips out of his shoes, the casual sneakers looking completely at odds with his nicely tailored black suit. Jin takes his coat as well, hanging it on the hook by his door, then leads him into his kitchen. "Sit here," he tells him, pulling out a chair beside a kitchen table that is covered with music manuscript sheets, blunt pencils, empty coffee cups and Jin's laptop. He drops Kame’s hat beside it.

Gingerly, Kame sits down, careful not to touch any of the paper. Jin rummages under the sink, then holds a plastic bowl under the hot water tap, filling it halfway. Kame watches him, and for just a moment is hit by how strange yet familiar and homey this seems. Jin turns and catches his eye, and for just a moment, their eyes meet and - Jin swears suddenly and turns back to the bowl, hot water now overflowing the sides and hitting his fingers. He dumps a portion in the sink, and adds the disinfectant, grabs his first aid kit and carries both of them back to the table. Without really looking he pushes the paper into a mound on the far side of the table and sits down next to Kame.

"Let me see."

Kame holds up his hands, and Jin shakes his head.

"No. Let's look at your head first." He dips a clean cotton square into the disinfectant, and squeezes out the excess water. "This is going to hurt," he warns. The hiss escapes Kame before he can stop it, and Jin pulls back immediately. "Sorry." He presses gently once more, wiping the blood away, trying to cleanse and check the wound. "I think it might look worse than it is ...." He picks up a fresh cotton square, and dabs at the edges. "It looks fairly small, but it has bled a lot. Press here." He takes Kame's hand, but Kame pulls away.

"You need to clean my hand first!”

"Ok." Jin grabs another cotton square, dampens it, and wipes Kame's palm. “Is it clean now?”

Kame holds out his right hand next without saying a word, and Jin swabs it carefully. "Now?"

Kame turns his hands over to check. “I think there is still more between my fingers.”

 “Ok.” Jin carefully rubs between his fingers. “Now?” Kame checks again and then nods and winces. Jin gives him a wry smile, and presses a fresh cotton square against his temple. “Sorry about that. Now press here, we need to stop the bleeding.”

Kame raises his left hand, and Jin slides his fingers out from beneath them, leaving Kame to hold the cotton square against his head. He empties the bowl of water in the sink, and throws the used cotton into the garbage. "Does it hurt?"

Not …. really, Kame decides. "It does now. I hadn't really noticed it before."

Before.

Before he had only been thinking about the blood.

"Jin, your floor, I'll help you clean up the floor..."

Two hands press firmly against his shoulders, forcing him back down onto the chair. "Leave the floor for now. When was the last time you slept?"

Kame has to pause to think about it. "Yesterday."

"Yesterday as in Wednesday or yesterday as in Tuesday?" Jin asks smoothly, easily, and Kame pauses to think again, counting back the days.

"Tuesday."

"It's 4 am Friday morning."

"I had night shoots on Wednesday and I finished filming on Thursday, so there wasn't time to sleep." Even Kame can hear the defensiveness in his own voice. "At least it's done now, we wrapped the series last night."

“Congratulations. I saw the ratings were good.”

"Thank you."

Jin gives him that smile, that amused half smile that means he's secretly laughing, and Kame doesn't know whether to throw something at him or smile back. He has just decided that throwing something is probably out of line if it is 4 AM, when Jin leans in and peels the cotton square away from his head and it's all Kame can do not to yelp out loud as it comes unstuck.

Jin cups his jaw and tilts Kame's head back, angling it towards the light and brushing his hair back from his face. "Let me look." He leans closer, concentrating and Kame closes his eyes against a wave of dizziness. "You doing ok? Kame?"

"Yeah, just got a bit dizzy."

The hand against his jaw is steady, and Kame feels the thumb sweep along his neck, once and then again. "I don't think it's deep enough for stitches. I'll put these butterfly strip tape things on it for now , and tomorrow - well later today really - we can find a doctor to double check, and make sure it won't scar."

Eyes widening in barely concealed outraged panic, Kame says firmly. "I. Can. Not. Have. A. Scar."

Jin chuckles softly, and when Kame opens his mouth to repeat himself, Jin's thumb sweeps over his chin and settles firmly on Kame's lower lip. "That's why we will get it checked out, and you will not have a scar.” His thumb sweeps softly over his mouth, almost in emphasis. "I promise."

As a shuddering breath brings air back into his lungs, Kame says, "Ok."

The warm touch leaves his skin, and Jin picks up two little paper packets. "Now hold still while I put these on."

Kame freezes, more than willing to sit still as long as needed to avoid anything that may even faintly resemble a scar forming on his face. Kamenashi Kazuya can not have a scar on his face.

"All done." Jin steps back, and Kame's fingers fly towards his temple, gingerly feeling along the length of the cut. "It's not that bad, don't imagine it's terrible," Jin chastises. "If it was really deep I would have called an ambulance." Two small white pills in a silver blister packet appear in front of him. "You should probably take these, I imagine it will hurt in the next few hours."

"What are they?" Kame asks warily.

"Standard drugstore issue pain relief tablets." Jin raises an eyebrow at him. "What did you think?"

"American or Japanese?"

"Japanese." Jin turns the packet over, showing him the label. "See? Bufferin. It's just Bufferin."

Kame fumbles the packet open, and swallows the pills down.

"Still no need for water I see." Jin shakes his head wryly.

"Water isn't always available," Kame begins, and Jin shakes his head again, and puts a hand up.

"Just an observation. That's all."

Kame's fingers go back towards his temple, once more gingerly feeling along the tape.

"Stop that." Jin grabs his fingers and pulls them away. "You could open it up again." Still holding his fingers, Jin pulls him to his feet, keeping him steady. "You need sleep. I can set you up on the couch for now."

He tries to think of a reason why that is a bad idea, but things are starting to move more slowly than normal for Kame. Thinking is starting to be extra hard. "Yes please."

Jin looks at him, startled. "I was expecting more of a fight from you. That's new." Before Kame can protest, Jin steers him toward the lounge room. "I like it. Now, here's the couch, I'll get you some fresh clothes. Sit!"

Kame sits.

Sits some more.

And then some more.

Is Jin really taking this long, or has time just started to take longer?

Finally, Jin returns with an armful of clothes and a green trash bag, and one look at Kame is enough to tell him all he needs to know. "Two minutes, then you can sleep,” he says.

"One," Kame mutters, and Jin stifles a laugh.

"Ok, one. Arms out!" Kame slowly shifts his arms, and Jin slides the suit jacket of his shoulders, and then quickly unbuttons the once crisp white shirt. "Hands up!" The shirt slides away, and Jin quickly replaces it with a huge baggy t-shirt, neck stretched wide as he carefully slides it over Kame's head. Next, Jin's hands hesitate then settle on his belt, sliding the leather back through the loops and undoing the buckle. "Up," he says, and Kame tries to stand, but only makes it part of the way up before Jin throws an arm around him to stop him falling. "Hold it," he says, before tugging the trousers down carefully, leaving his underwear in place, then guiding him back down to the couch. Kame tries to help by kicking the trousers off, but Jin simply grabs and pulls and Kame slides his feet away. "Feet up." A soft pair of cotton fleece pants slide up his legs, and Kame tries to stand again, and this time Jin is ready for him, steadying him with his left arm as Kame raises his hips, and sliding the pants up with the right hand.

Carefully, Jin gathers his suit and shirt from the floor, and places them in the trash bag.

"Your floor!" Kame starts to get up, or to try to at least, but Jin presses down on his shoulder, holding him in place on the couch.

"I'll take care of it."

"I'm sorry," Kame mutters. "I'm sorry for everything."

Jin's fingers are warm as they stroke gently over his forehead. "Get some sleep now. I'll wake you in a bit, just in case you have a concussion. That’s what you do with a head injury. Then we can talk more in the morning. For now, get some sleep."

Kame tries to nod, to say thank you, but his eyes slide closed almost in rhythm with Jin's stroking fingers and the last thing he remembers is that Jin's clothes still smell the same as his memories.

**  
"Kame?" Jin leans in close, and shakes his blanket covered shoulder. "Come on, rise and shine."

No response. That's not good.

"Kame?" He shakes him a little harder. "Come on."

Definitely. Not. Good.

"Kame!" Jin taps firmly on his cheek, careful not to jostle him to much, but the non response thing is starting to freak him out just a little bit too much and -

"Ouch." Kame glares and Jin grins back in response.

"Head injury check time!" Jin says cheerfully. "Step one: Full name."

"Really? Haven't we already done this?"

"Yes. Glad you remember, that ticks off item 7 under short term memory. Now back to step one: full name."

"Kamenashi Kazuya."

"Birth date."

"February 23 1986."

"Current occupation."

"Idol."

"Right," Jin writes a note down and Kame stares.

"What are you writing?"

"Well the first time you said you were an eternal samurai jeanist, and the second time you said baseball scout rock star reporter, so... I'm just noting that down. Google said to note any changes.” Jin pulls his glasses down his nose and peeks over the rim. "Yes I know you were joking. What day is it?"

"Friday."

"Are you nauseous?"

"No."

"Any pain?"

"None."

"At all?"

"None."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three."

"Did Greedo shoot first?"

"Of course.”

“K - A K - A K - A?”

“TTUN. TTUN. TTUN. I’m surprised you remember.”

“Of course I remember.” Their eyes meet and Jin searches for a hint. Had that been sarcasm? An observation? He couldn’t quite tell, and now Kame is looking at him again with that one expression that he has never been able to see without feeling all the way through to his bones. The one that his stomach tells him he should feel guilty about while his brain says life is complicated and his heart tears open between them and …Kame is still looking at him. Silently. Get a grip on yourself Akanishi. “I’m not the one who hit my head. Next question. Who scored the most home runs last year for the Giants?”

“I could say anyone’s name and you would have no idea if I was lying.”

“True, but I have google and I would know. Anyway, moving on. Now look at my phone..."

"What the hell are you doing?" Kame shuts his eyes against the sudden bright light.

"Checking your pupils," Jin answers and switches off the flashlight on his iphone. "Can you sit up?"

"I think so," Kame inhales and gingerly sits up, under Jin's watchful gaze.

"Any dizziness?"

"No."

"Raise your left foot?"

"What!?"

"Just do it."

"Fine." Pulling the blanket aside, Kame raised his foot a few inches from the couch. "Satisfied?"

"Point your toes."

Kame points his toes.

"Clockwise, three circles."

Kame circles his toes, clockwise, three times.

"Now touch your toes to your nose."

"What the hell?"

"Ok, so now I am messing with you." He perches on the edge of the couch cushion, and Kame shifts his legs over to give him some more room. "Do you feel like some coffee?"

"Hell yes....coffee...." Kame's sigh could move mountains, as Jin passes over a small mug of sweetened black heaven.

Quiet settles between them, peaceful warmth and Jin lets it sit, lets it spin out between them. No pressure. Nothing but quiet. It can’t last forever but he is going to enjoy it while it is there.

When the cup is empty he takes it from Kame and places it carefully on the coffee table. "Any plans for today?" he asks casually, projecting as much calm as he can. The fact that Kame doesn’t pick up on it makes him slightly nervous.

"Today? I'm off today. Nothing scheduled until Sunday night when I have to be in the studio for Going. How about you?"

"Same. I finished up some recording in the studio yesterday, and today I was just planning on chilling."

"Sounds good." Kame stretches, lithe and cat like. "I can't remember the last time I had a day off to spend at home..."

He freezes.

Jin waits.

"Home."

Jin stays silent and watchful.

"Jin?" Kame's voice is so small Jin can barely hear him.

"There's a dead body in my house."

"Are you sure?"

“Yeah. I killed him."

“Are you really really sure?”

“Yes! Why would I lie about something like that?” 

“Kame. Don’t you think this is all just a bit weird?” Jin chooses his words very carefully. “I mean, here you are. Turning up at my door in the middle of the night? Saying someone tried to kill you? Saying someone is dead?”

“What are you saying? Are you calling me a liar?”

“No. Of course I am not calling you a liar. I am just saying that this is strange.”

“Sorry if a sudden attempt to kill me is going to mess with your day off.” Kame pushes the blanket off his legs completely. “I’ll get out of your way.”

“Stay there.” A crisp and clear order, that Kame looks set to ignore as always. “I mean it, Kame. Stay right there. We are going to talk about this.”

“Because that always works out so well,” Kame mutters.

Pulling his glasses off, Jin rubs his eyes and sighs heavily. “Kame, you arrived on my doorstep at 4 am this morning, bleeding, and then told me you had killed someone. You brought this to me.”

“Well if I’d known, I wouldn’t have.”

“Known what?”

“That I was such a bother,” Kame spits at him venomously, winces and presses his fingers against his temple. “Why didn’t you just call the police?”

“Woah. Hold it right there. I never said you were a bother. Do not put words in my mouth.” Jin manages to mutter ‘for once’ just under his breath, and luckily Kame is too mad to notice. “Look. Kame, look at me.”

Kame meets his eyes briefly then looks pointedly away, across the room to the where the television sits.

“Fine. Then listen. You know that I will always open my door to you. You know that. Do I need to question if you would do the same for me?”

“No,” Kame bristles. “Of course not.”

“Then, given I let you in, why would you question….” Jin stops, the frustration too evident in his voice to continue. He takes a deep breath. “The Understanding stands. Ok? Let’s just sort this out. Tell me exactly what happened yesterday when you got home. We need to work out what happened. You finished filming and went home. What do you remember?”

“We had the usual photos, drinks and speeches and flowers, and then I went home.”

  “What time was that?”

“Probably… 3 AM?”

“You drove home?”

“Yep, I only had 2 drinks.”  

“So you weren’t drunk, you drove home from the studio, and went inside?” 

“Yeah. I parked in the garage, took the elevator upstairs, and… wait. I stopped off at a Lawson’s and grabbed a bento.”

“So you had a plastic bag in one hand, your key in the other, and you stepped inside? Was it dark?”

Kame closes his eyes. “The lights were off. I had the bag in my left hand, and I used that hand to turn the light on. I took my shoes off, put them in the cupboard…. that’s when I heard a noise.”  

“What type of noise?”

  “I don’t know - I think movement. I think I sensed someone else was there. That’s when it happened.”

“Right by the front door?”

“He came at me. Like this.” Kame raises his arm, and stabs the air a few times. ”I pushed him away as hard as I could, and he fell back. Then he came at me again. I hit him, hit him in the head, and then…he kicked me. That’s when I hit my head! He kicked me and I fell against the shoe cupboard door.”

Jin puts his hand on Kame’s thigh and squeezes, just enough to anchor him. “What happened next?”

“I don’t remember exactly. It happened really fast…I think he pushed me back against the front door and then we were on the floor and the knife was between us, and then there was blood everywhere, and … and … he was dead.”

  “You checked for a pulse?”  

“He wasn’t breathing, I checked for a pulse and his eyes were open.”

  “Do you know who it was?”

“I don’t think so. He had a ski mask on and gloves…and boots. He had boots on. That’s what I must have heard when he moved. He was on the floor, blood was everywhere, and I checked he was dead. Then … I ran.”

“So whoever he was, he got inside your secure building, and into your apartment, past your own security system, and no one noticed.” Jin’s grip tightens. “For fuck’s sake, Kazuya. He could have killed you.”

“I …. know. I …. Jin, I think I’m going to throw up.”

“Here!” Jin pulls spreads the blanket over his lap. “Blanket or floor, either is fine.” Kame retches, and Jin rubs his back in slow comforting circles. “Deep breath. Take your time.”

The wave passes and Kame sits back. “I’ve already messed up your floor once.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jin says dismissively. “Anything like that can be cleaned. Now, back to … the problem. You didn’t call the police?”

“I didn’t even think about it, I just ran.”

The words ‘to me’ hover on Jin’s lips, but saying them is impossible.

“How did I get here?” Kame asks.

“I have been wondering.” Jin shrugs. “Notice anything different?”

“You have a new apartment.”

“Yep.”

“But …. When did you move?”

“Last week. They wanted to renovate the common areas in my building, so I chose to move here for a few months.” Jin leans closer. “I have barely told anyone yet.”

“I found you though? How did I know to come here? How did I know you were here?”

“That’s one of the weird things we need to talk about. I don’t know. I can’t answer that.”

“There must be some answer! I couldn’t have been randomly running around Tokyo ringing doorbells.”

“Someone would definitely have noticed that.” Jin's lips curl into that lopsided smile. “Kamenashi Kazuya ringing doorbells in the middle of the night is definitely worth covering in the newspapers.”

“Did I … take a taxi?”

“How would the driver have known where I live?” Jin shrugs. “I normally drive these days.”

“Did I walk? Where are we?”

“Naka-meguro. I didn’t move that far. Are you still living in the same apartment in Daikanyama?”

“Yeah, of course. Maybe I did walk then … but surely someone would have seen me!”

“It seems likely, doesn’t it? I’ve checked the TV morning reports, and there is nothing on the internet about you at all. No one saw you, or noticed anything at all.”

“I don’t know if that’s comforting or terrifying. Somehow I want someone covered in blood wandering the streets to be noticeable. Oh god Jin I have to call the police.”

“Not yet, we aren’t calling them yet.”

“I must already look incredibly guilty. I ran from the scene, I didn’t report it, I let you clean me up. I involved you, I made you an accessory. I didn’t think … I didn’t realise, Jin…”

“Quiet down for a second, let me think.” Jin gets up and paces. “Are you absolutely sure he was dead?”

“Yes.”

“Are you absolutely sure he attacked you with a knife?”

“Yes.”  

“Are you absolutely sure that this happened in your apartment?”

“Yes.”

“And somehow … you didn’t know that I had moved but you managed to find my new apartment in the middle of the night?”

“Yes. Don’t you believe me?”

“I…. believe that you believe it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“How did you get into the lobby of my building? It’s secure access, just like yours.”

“I.. don’t know. I don’t remember.”

  “You managed it somehow? You got into the lobby before you called me on the intercom.”

“I don’t remember. I just … I remember the button, and knowing that was the right button to push.”

“Well you got it right, because here we are. I’m still trying to work out how.”

“We need to call the police. And the jimusho.”

“Not yet.”

“They need to know.”

“Who? The police or the jimusho? I’m not actually sure who will take it worse…”

“Probably the jimusho. The police must be used to this. I can’t be the first celebrity with an unexplained body in their house.” Kame snorts, and then looks horrified. “Jin I just made a joke about someone I killed.”

“Maybe not,” Jin stops pacing. “I have one more thing to tell you. Don’t freak out.” He bends down beside the couch and holds up a trash bag. “These are your clothes from last night.” Without further warning, he dumps them in Kame’s lap.

Kame recoils, “You’ll get blood everywhere….. Wait.” He picks up his jacket, and checks the front. “When did you get a chance to clean this?”

 “I didn’t.” Jin looks down into Kame’s puzzled eyes. “I didn’t clean your clothes or the floor. You kept telling me you were covered in blood, but you weren’t. The only blood was on your head.”

“But…. it was everywhere.”

  “No Kazu. It wasn’t.”

“But…” He shakes his head in denial, and Jin grips his shoulder with one hand and cups his face with the other.

“You kept saying it was everywhere, but I swear to you, I swear to you on my life Kazu, that there was no blood on your suit, or on your hands. Only on your head.”

“I remember it. I felt the knife go into him. I don’t understand….”

“I don’t either,” Jin admits. “I just know we can’t call the police until we go back to your apartment and check first. We need to know for sure what’s in your apartment. If there is a body we can call the police and the jimusho and deal with what happens. If there isn’t, we deal with it. Until then, we tell no one else.”

 

 ****

Although they agree that they need to go over to Kame’s apartment and check whether there really is a dead body waiting for them, their first argument is about whether both of them need to go - Kame loses in spectacular fashion when Jin points out that any method of transportation he chooses will leave witnesses of him going to a possible crime scene whereas if Jin drives him there is less of a danger because well he is Jin and he will just not say anything to anyone about it. Kame feebly tries to insist that just them driving together would be dangerous to Jin and what if traffic cameras caught them or someone took a picture at a red light, and Jin has to stifle the impulse to roll his eyes because he know’s that Kame’s concern could actually be a real fear, and instead says, “Kame, if I promise that I won’t update twitter telling everyone that we are driving to your apartment in Daikanyama, will you just agree that it’s the best solution for now?”  

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me!” Jin waves his phone casually.

“You’re bluffing.”

“Yeah, I am.” Jin pockets his phone. “I am also driving.”

“Fine,” Kame huffs. “Just remember you insisted on being the driver.”

  Jin starts to reply that Kame was the one who brought this to his door, but seeing the expression on Kame’s face, he realises that Kame will probably take that pretty badly. Occasionally, he sees the danger before he steps in with both boots. “I am insisting on driving. Now let me find you some clothes.”

“I’ll just wear my suit!”

After a short and fairly strongly worded argument, Kame agrees that wearing his suit from yesterday is a bad idea. Even if it does mean he is now wearing a pair of Jin’s shortest jeans and a huge cuddly blue sweater that swallows his wrists but somehow hugs his shoulders at the same time. Every time Kame reaches for something he owns, Jin just keeps saying “Possible evidence!” until finally Kame accepts his fate.  Grudgingly.

Unhappily.

And now he is dressed in a most un-Kamenashi way. “I don’t remember the last time I saw you in baggy pants like that.” Jin grins. “Just a little casual for you. No Prada this time.”

  “You really aren’t watching my dramas are you?”

  “What do you mean?”

“Just that you obviously haven’t seem my last few dramas.” Kame holds up a hand, and brushes away Jin’s automatic protest. “It’s fine, I’m just saying the last few are hardly about me dressing fashionably.”

“To be fair, you did spend most of Second Love naked.” 

“Well,” Kame actually flushes just a little bit, much to Jin’s delight. “The role called for it.”

“Then you can’t be upset with me being focussed on your character’s …. assets.”

Kame’s flush deepens…and yes! There it is! His tongue darts out to swipe across his lower lip.

“You were very believable.” Jin says solemnly. “Every thrust.” Jin waits a beat. “Did I say thrust? Sorry I meant jump.”  

“Jin!”

“Sorry.”

“You aren’t.”

“Not really no. I especially appreciated your thrusts sorry jumps when I watched it in Blu Ray.”

“You bought it in Blu Ray?”

“Well if I can’t watch your hip rolls in living colour anymore I have to resort to Blu Ray -” Ouch, oh fuck that was a little bit to close to the bone. Distraction time. “Besides the most unbelievable aspect of that series wasn’t your fucking prowess.”

Kame struggles a bit but manages to keep his voice even, “Oh please do tell me?”

“You only had a space heater in your house. Even if it was the best apartment you could have afforded, there is no way would you survived with only that little space heater.”

“Well I didn’t have to worry that my lover was weak as hell when it’s cold and needs three heaters, all the blankets and …” Kame shuts up abruptly and Jin looks away. Some things are still just too … much… to talk about. Hard won agreement, and Understanding and knowing that it’s for the best and the only reasonable option doesn’t keep you warm at night. Or help when the memories of being naked together swamp you, and the person you want in front of you is right there. “Anyway,” Kame manages valiantly, and Jin remembers he’s not the only one who can use distraction. “Yamaneko? Grey sweat pants and red beach sandals? No one would ever accuse him of being formal.”

  “Ah, yes.” Jin’s fingers uneasily scratch a non existent itch on the back of his head. “Saturday night is normally not a good night for drama watching. I’ve been planning to watch it on Hulu replay.”

“Saturdays? Too much … clubbing?” Kame asks.

“Almost none of that,” Jin meets his gaze. “Mainly catching up in the studio, sometimes drinks with the guys.” Kame shifts uncomfortably, just enough for him to notice, and Jin pauses. He’s really not sure whether it’s a good idea to mention this, but it’s not like it being a bad idea has ever stopped the stupid coming out of his mouth before. “You know you are always welcome to come. Any time.”

“Too difficult.”

“Only if you make it difficult.” Kame shakes his head, and Jin can’t help himself. “It can just be coffee. Or ramen. Anything. Just a meal. That’s all.”

“It’s … I can’t. You know I can’t.” Kame sits back down on the couch and his fingers pluck at the sleeves of his sweater. “You can’t either. You can’t afford the bad press either.”

“I don’t know, it might make the press remember I exist.” Jin says without thinking and Kame’s face darkens.

“What does that mean? What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Honestly. Nothing.” For once the truth may actually help him. “No one wants to know me, so it would take a fairly big change to get me into a magazine or back on TV.”

“They blacklisted you? That wasn’t the agreement!”

“I think it’s more subtle. Any approach we make is rejected with an ‘our apologies but the issue is fully mapped out’ or ‘our artist list has already been established for the year.’ It’s probably the old boys club wanting too keep Johnny and his Associates on side, so they didn’t even have to ask them to blacklist. I wasn’t really surprised. It just means we have to get creative, find some new ways to market things. It will work out.” He gestures towards the door. “We should go.”

  Kame stands and takes a deep breath. “Ok.”

They walk towards the door, and Jin passes Kame a coat that he puts on without argument. It’s a dark grey puffy warm thing that is probably similar to something Kame already owns, but then Kame of course turns towards his own shoes, and …. 

“You are wearing a pair of my boots.”

“I can wear my - “

“My boots.” Jin cuts him off. “Possible evidence.”

“Fine.” Kame stares down at his running shoes. “I have no idea what I was thinking. Those shoes are terrible.”  

“They definitely aren’t your usual level of style,” Jin agrees. “I was surprised that they weren’t Louboutins.”

Kame’s eye contact avoidance gives him away.

“They were, weren’t they?” Jin laughs. “You were wearing them yesterday after work.”

“What else would I pair with a Dior suit?” Kame raises a haughty eyebrow and cocks his hip to the side in a runway pose.

“Well if anyone could make beaten up white adidas shoes with Dior suits a thing, it would be you.” Jin laughs harder, and casually puts his arm around Kame as he steps into his own boots. “Maybe that should be your next challenge?” he says, and grins at Kame.

Suddenly realising how close he is. How solid Kame is against his side.   Kame realises too, and for a second they both freeze, uncertain on the precipice. Move forward or run back - which way to go?

Without a word, Kame leans in and kisses him. Hard, rough and quick and Jin sucks in a breath to keep himself going. He should say this is a bad idea, but hell he doesn’t believe that right now, and honestly any time that Kame chooses to kiss him is a good idea in his book. Kame’s lips are hard against his, and as he doesn’t pull away, Kame relaxes just a bit into the kiss. Strong and present, and when Jin wraps his other arm around him, Kame comes in even closer.

The door is hard against Jin’s back. Kame must have turned him when he wasn’t looking. Not that he is complaining because Kame is now pressed hard against his front, and the door is giving him some serious support. Kame’s hand is pressed against his jaw, and Jin nips at Kame’s lower lip.

He growls and Jin pushes forward, pressing Kame’s lips open against his own, and sliding his tongue hot and fast into Kame’s mouth. No barriers, no objections, just …. hot and deep and want and familiar and even if they had once outlined all the reasons why this couldn’t happen again; in this moment it is as unreasonable to ask them to stop as it is to stop the sun rising. Kame’s fingers slide into his hair, and his thumb presses against Jin’s cheek. Jin opens, pulls back and let’s Kame explore his mouth with deep, long strokes of his tongue. The air between them heats up, and he can’t work out anymore where he ends and Kame starts. It’s right.

This is right.

And he can’t say it.

He knows he can’t but it takes everything in him to stay silent.

Kame pulls back, just enough to nip at his jaw and press kisses along his cheek, his lips catching and sucking gently at his skin, possessively almost, and then he is breathing heavily into Jin’s ear, his teeth pulling at his earlobe, before he starts to pull back, and Jin knows.

“Jin,” Kame breathes, starts to say it, and Jin can’t hear him say it. Won’t hear him say it.

“Kazuya,” he warns, and Kame shakes his head slightly, mouth open and breath cool against Jin’s skin, and Jin decides.

He moves, pulls Kame with him, until it’s Kame who is pinned against the door, and Jin uses his extra height to his advantage, holding him in place with his hips pressed hard against Kame’s and his elbows pushing down against his shoulders, his hands holding Kame’s head still as he ravages his mouth. He puts everything he can into it, years and months and days of wanting and missing and hoping and now he has the chance to share and take and make himself heard. He pulls back and presses kisses against Kame’s eyelids, against his jaw, against his neck, sucks in a few deep breaths and then goes back again for more.

“Right,” he mutters against Kame’s lips. “This is right.” Kame’s groan is his answer. Jin shifts back, just enough to get his leg between Kame’s to press harder. “You know it. You’re hard. You want this.”

“It always was right!” The rawness of Kame’s tone scrapes along Jin’s nerves, reminding him that it was never easy to say otherwise, not between the two of them. “I never said it wasn’t right. That’s the prob-” Jin slips a hand down between them, and find’s Kame’s waist band. “Jin.”

Jin slips his fingers inside, feels along the edge for the zip.

“Jin.”

He pauses, drags his tongue up Kame’s neck then pulls back.

“Jin.” Kame’s eyes are dark, his chest is heaving against him, he’s hard and here and… yes. He wants it just as much as Jin does.

Kame’e eyes close as Jin wraps his fingers around him. “Kazuya.” He strokes gently, just enough to be sure.

“Jin.” Kame breathes his name like a prayer, and Jin leans in to kiss him gently, sweetly, as his hand grips and slides against his skin.

“Kazuya.” Jin wrestles the zip fully open, pushes the denim down and feels Kame’s dick heavy and strong in his hand. “I want ..” Jin sinks down, hands roving over Kame’s body as he does, until they settle on his hips. He sucks gently at the tip, a gentle lap and Kame looks down just in time to see Jin open his mouth and take him in.

“Fuck.” Kame groans, ripped from somewhere deep within him and Jin goes as far as he can, pulling him as close and deep as he can. He swirls his tongue, and feels Kame’s reaction. He pulls back, sliding his mouth slowly, keeping the seal as tight as he can for as long as he can, until he slides off. Kame shivers. He grips the base, then angles it up, and licks along the underside, all the way up and then swallows him down again.

Kame’s hips move, and Jin moves with them, the pace quickening into shorter thrusts. Fingers slide into his hair, gripping hard above his ears, and he knows. He holds still, jaw strong and lips taut and Kame thrusts forward, heavy and frantic and needy and Jin takes it, steady and sure, hot and ready until he feels it happen, swallows it down as greedy fingers grip his hair and hold him close.

He rocks back onto his ankles, stopping just far enough to let his bottom lip stay in contact as he grins up at Kame. “Miss me?” he asks, then grabs Kame’s hips as his knees start to buckle. Laughing he rolls onto his back, laying flat out on the hallway floor, pulling Kame down on top of him.

“What makes you think so?” Kame wheezes.

“That was pretty quick,” he teases. “You didn’t make me work for it.”

“You worked some,” Kame agrees, and lets himself slide down Jin’s side, cuddling in a tangle of arms and legs and coats. “Good turns deserve rewards.” He taps his fingers teasingly along Jin’s zipper. “Don’t you think?”

“Definitely.” The zipper gives way and Kame’s hand is quick and sure against him. “Absolutely.”

Kame pulls him free of his jeans and Jin swallows at the look of desire he shows him. “Oh god.”

“Nope,” Kame reaches up and presses a chaste kiss against Jin’s forehead. “Not god. Just Kamenashi Kazuya.”

“Sometimes I think that might be the same…thing,” Jin groans as Kame’s mouth sinks down onto his dick, so deep the tips of his hair brush against his stomach. “Kazu.”

“Shhhh,” Kame hums, and Jin swears there is a smirk in there a well, because oh god that’s good. So good. Kame’s lips drag across his skin, wet and soft one moment, strong and hard the next, as he plays along the length of Jin’s dick. “What do you want me to do?” he asks, licking gently. “Wait, I think I can guess.” He grips him firmly, both hands clutching tight as he licks the tip, and puffs soft cool air against the damp skin. He touches softly, rotating both wrists gently, and Jin sees stars, then possibly worlds collapsing as Kame laps the tip back into his mouth, and sucks hard. His hands start to grip more harshly, Kame’s touch sure and strong, and then it’s gone, replaced by his mouth as he sucks. Jin’s hips move, and Kame pins him down, holding him flat against the floor. Kame doesn't need his help, he just needs to ride the waves at Kame’s direction.

He lays back, feels every touch, every lap, each last one as Kame pulls him deeper, pulls him higher. It’s the same as he remembers, but better, always better than the last time because his memory can’t make this feel the way the touch of Kame’s fingers does, the whisper of his hair against skin, or the - oh god - or the way his tongue feels against him. Memory is good, but this is so much better.

He’s close, and Kame pats his stomach, a signal from way back that he is ready, and Jin lifts with him, taking the cue from Kame’s movements to meet his thrusts, until finally Jin’s hands are in Kame’s hair returning the favour and Kame stays where he is needed, close against him, and with one final thrust Jin comes, shivering with the release.

Kame presses his cheek against his thigh, swallowing in turn, then crawls up carefully, knees and hands settling into long ago familiar positions, until they are pressed together from shoulder to toes, arms wrapped around each other.

Kame rests a moment, face turned into the crook of Jin’s neck, then he pulls himself up just a bit more and locks their gaze together. He kisses him softly, with all the care that lies unspoken and when he pulls back, and says, “I…” but can’t finish the sentence, Jin knows. For sure. He thought it was probably harder for him to walk away under their agreement, from them, from KAT-TUN, from Johnny’s but Kame was always good at hiding just how deeply he felt things. If he let Kame say it now, there was no going back… and maybe it still wasn’t time. They still had things that needed to be worked out.

“Me too.” Jin says, and Kame nods. “Always.”

“Always,” Kame breathes against his cheek.

They rest together, silently and comfortably, and they know it’s not forever. It can’t be, but deep down Jin is feeling hopeful for the first time in years that maybe forever may be sooner than he thought possible.

“We need to go.” He doesn’t want to, obviously there are many other things he would prefer to be doing with Kame, to Kame or for Kame, but there is one thing that takes priority. They need to check Kame’s apartment.

“Now or never,” Kame mutters.  

“We can make it happen, we can make it all right,” Jin croons back at him quietly, and Kame presses their cheeks together.

“Time is coming, everlasting,” softly, the softest they ever have sung this together, and together they finish, “Don't you wanna see it when we make it worldwide.”

With a final kiss, Kame roll to his side, zips up his jeans and stumbles to his feet. “I think we are too old for hallways.”

  “You are probably right,” Jin rezips his own jeans and rubs his hip. “Luckily we now have access to our own spaces?" 

It sits there, the unspoken question of what happens next, and Kame reaches out to take his hand, and pull him up. “Yes.”

“Lucky,” Jin grins and kisses his cheek.

 

 ****

The drive to Kame’s apartment is almost silent. Just getting into the car had been odd, the shift from what they had been doing to who they are outside that door, and the reality of what they are now doing hits. The music player automatically starts when he turns the key, but Jin pauses it without asking Kame. This trip doesn't need a soundtrack.  Kame is hunched in the passenger seat, face turned away from the window, just in case anyone can see through the tinted windows, and finally Jin can’t stand it, he reaches over at a red light and laces their fingers together. Kame smiles weakly at him.

When they reach the parking garage door, Kame gives him the code, and tells him where the visitor parking is now located. It’s quiet, almost eerily so. Parking garages have always given him the creeps, but this is more intense than usual. Kame gets out of the car first, and walks towards the elevator. The doors open, and Kame steps inside, and Jin grins at his back as he walks towards him. Today was not turning out at all as he expected.

Kame turns, and just from his expression, Jin stops. “What’s wrong?”

 “I remember.”

“That’s good?” Jin asks, but Kame shakes his head.  

“I’m so sorry. Jin. I…”

The elevators doors close.

“Kazu, wait!” As he watches the elevator climb up to Kame’s floor, he presses the recall button, holding it down as if that would make it return faster. Finally it’s there, and he follows Kame upstairs. Whatever had gotten into Kame he needs to know what is going on.

The elevator doors open onto a crowded hallway, and Jin is so busy looking for Kame that for a second he doesn’t register who all the people are. Uniformed police officers, men in suits, a woman in a white plastic suit checking a doorway, Kame’s neighbours in their own doorways and suddenly Hasegawa-san, the manager who organised six young inexperienced boys into a group and helped guide them through whatever disasters they threw in her way, was walking away from Kame’s tape covered door, and towards him.

“Jin-kun?” she asks, her hand creeping up to touch his hair. “Jin?”

“What’s going on?” he asks, as cold dread grips him. “Where’s Kame?”

“Jin,” she grabs his arm and pulls him into the elevator, before anyone else can see, or ask questions.  “Did you drive here?” As he nods, she presses the button for the visitor parking. “Do you have your keys?”

  “Of course. What’s going on?”

“We will talk in the car. Wait.” She clutches his arm between her hands, half escorting, half protective and Jin can’t understand why she is here.

He unlocks the door, and she climbs into the passenger seat, where Kame had been sitting, and Jin climbs into the driver’s seat. He looks at her, and sees how her hands are shaking, and her eyes glistening and suddenly he doesn’t want to know. Nothing ever shakes Hasegawa this badly unless it’s… awful.

“Where’s Kame?”

“Jin,” her tears spill over and this time she clutches his hand and doesn’t let go. “Kame’s gone.” She sees the question before he asks it. “He’s dead, Jin. Kame’s dead.”

“No.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. You don’t understand. He’s not. He can’t be.”

She reaches up and pulls his head down, whispering as if the quiet makes it easier to say. “He’s gone, Jin. He’s gone. I know it’s hard, but it’s true.”

“It can’t be. He was just here.” She shakes her head, and he wants to shake her, even as the cold stone in his stomach grows heavier because he knows that Hasegawa would never lie to him. Never had, never will, not even when it would have been the kinder option. She must believe it then, but that can’t…. “Hasegawa-san, please. It can’t be true.”

The tears slide down her cheeks and she shakes her head again, and Jin can’t think.

“How?” he finally asks, in a raw unrecognisable voice.

The tears come faster, but Hasegawa nods and visibly steels herself to answer. “He was attacked. A man came into his apartment last night and attacked him with a knife. He … he stabbed him. Just inside the front door.” 

“No.”

“It was early this morning, just after he came home from the studio. They must have fought, because a neighbour heard them and called security. They found him and they couldn’t do anything, he was already gone.”

“No.”

“God Jin, he’d only just taken off his Louboutin shoes,” she sobs, and Jin stops listening, he can’t hear anymore. He stares at her, at the seat where Kame had been sitting, and it still doesn’t make sense.

“Who did it?”

“The police are looking for him now. They think they have identified him because he took his mask off in the lobby where there are cameras. They know him and they are looking for him.”

“It makes no sense. Why would anyone want to hurt Kame?” The words feel like they have been ripped from his throat.

Hasegawa shakes her head, and presses shaky hands to her cheeks. “The police think he made a mistake. They think it wasn’t meant to be him, it was meant to be someone else. He shouldn’t be…” She obviously can’t bring herself to finish the sentence.

“I need to see him.” Jin says quietly, even though every fibre of him is screaming that this is all a nightmare. “I have to.”

“You can’t.” Hasegawa shakes her head. “All those police are there…”  

“I don’t care.”

“The papers will get hold of it, and you can’t afford that.”

“I don’t fucking care. I need to see him.”

Hasegawa takes a deep breath, reaches over and grips his arms, turning him towards her, and forcing him to meet her gaze. “Not like that.” She shakes her head, finality clear in the gesture. “He hurt him, Jin. There was so much blood, and you don’t ever need to see him like that.” She holds his gaze, still and resolute until he looks away, unable to bear it anymore. “Later, after…. after they take him away, I can try and organise that, but Jin-kun, not now.”

The words hang in the air between them, and he has no idea what to do.

“Why are you here?” she asks, as if finally realising how strange it is for Jin to be there.

“Kame came and said that …” he starts to say, then realises how crazy it sounds. “Kame,” he finishes helplessly, and somehow Hasegawa understands. She always did have a sense of what was best for the two of them.

“Go home,” she whispers. “Go home and I will call you. I promise.”

She gets out of the car, makes him promise to drive slowly and carefully and walks back towards the elevator.

He doesn’t really remember driving home, not like the drive to Kame’s building. He parks, gets into his own elevator and feels the shakiness hit. Everything is wrong. So very wrong.

Just outside his door, he remembers. Kame’s running shoes and suit will be in there. They left them there. He pushes the door open… and the shoes aren’t there. Just an empty space. He pulls off his boots, and rests against the door. The hallway is clear like always, as if nothing had happened. He stumbles towards the couch, the trash bag with the suit should be there….it’s not.

Everything is so wrong.

He checks under the cushions, under the table, even in the kitchen, but nothing is there. The kitchen table is covered in music manuscript sheets, blunt pencils, empty coffee cups and in the corner his macbook is charging.

Jin puts his keys, his phone and his wallet down beside his macbook, and walks into his bedroom. He closes the door quietly behind him.

Kame sits on the couch and listens to him weep for hours. He doesn’t know exactly what happened last night, what allowed him to be here with Jin. When he stepped into that elevator he remembered dying, but he doesn’t know how what happened after that was possible.

It just was. Now he sits here in his black suit and white running shoes, and waits. Maybe Jin will see the wool hat he left under his pillow. He never went into the bedroom, so Jin must ask how it got there surely?

One day, Jin will look at the couch and see him again.


End file.
